Brian is a regular member of our Healthy Memory Café, a weekly group held at our Ernest Gardiner Treatment Centre. The Café welcomes people like his wife Barbara who have dementia, and people like Brian himself who are their carers.
While we are talking the group is in full swing singing along to an Elton John classic. There are about nine people at the Café this week, a mixture of regulars like Brian and Barbara, and some new faces. Later everyone will be put in to teams and doing a general knowledge quiz. Brian's wife Barbara has been sat chatting to one of the volunteers that makes this group possible, and the mood in the room is cheerful and full of energy.
What lead you to coming along to the Healthy Memory Café?
Before I started to come here we used to have someone come in once a week, but that was it. But apart from that, most of the week we were just sitting and looking at each other. We would go out once a week to Bickerdikes Garden Centre for our morning coffee, and have a chat to people there, but that was really the only time we would go out. I spend most of my time now looking after Barbara; I get her up in the morning, wash her, dress her, get her a bit of breakfast. We get lunch and I cook the evening meal, and there's all of the tablets too - Barbara is on 8 tablets a day! I've got tablets for myself too, so every Sunday I fill-up the boxes ready to go again the next week. It's a lot.
What was it like for you, as a carer? Did you manage to find time for yourself?
I felt quite isolated. Before I started to come here we used to try and do things, listen to music, because that's what Barbara loves. I used to get up early and go fishing once a week, and Barbara would be fine, but now I can't do that. Barbara listens to music and she loves it, so sometimes I will put a concert on YouTube for her to watch, and I will have a quick go of my jigsaw. I can hear her singing from upstairs.
How did you find out about the Healthy Memory Café?
The person from Crossroads who comes in once a week brought a leaflet with her. We didn't have a clue what Garden House Hospice Care did to be honest, certainly no idea that you did anything like this.
For someone who hasn't been before, can you tell us a little bit about what it's like at the Memory Café?
For the first half hour or so we sit and chat about different things; about what we like, what we do. All the staff go round to different people, sit with them, have a chat. They get to know everyone's names, and they know what we like. The staff are really great. Coming to this group really feels like we are part of a community. To come here and meet other people has been really great for Barbara and I, otherwise it felt a bit like we would just sit indoors and stare at each other all day. We love coming here.
As a carer, how has it been finding a group like this to come to?
It's been a way of meeting new people which we weren't doing before. And I can talk to people who are in a similar situation and share information on what we all do, and find out new things that have worked for them, or new things that I can try. We found out about another weekly group at a local community centre from someone else at the Healthy Memory Café, and now we go to that one too!
There's different activities that go on, which makes it interesting. A few weeks ago we played Boccia which is like indoor bowls. They make it so that Barbara can do it from her chair. We've also learnt seated exercises with a physio that came in on another week. We both get involved in all the activities - why not!
Is there anything coming up that you're particularly looking forward to?
Yes, I was so happy to see about the upcoming Carer's Dementia Training sessions. It goes on at the same time as the Healthy Memory Café. So I will bring Barbara here at 10am, and at 10:30 till 12 I'll do the training.
You mentioned you've seen something like this training before, but it wasn't suitable for you? Can you tell me why?
The one I saw before was completely online. I'm not going to sit in front of the computer for two hours, when I don't know what Barbara's doing. It's just not realistic for someone like me. But I think this training is going to be great. It's person-to-person and we still get to come along here; Barbara still gets to see everybody and have a good time. It's something that I've wanted to do for a long time and I think it's great.
How different do you think your experience as a carer would be if you didn't have a group like this to come to?
If we didn't have a group like this, I'll be quite honest, I don't know what I would do. It's opened things up for us. Because I know that while Barbara's here, she's safe and she's enjoying herself. And while she is enjoying herself, I'm happy. She looks forward to coming every week. When I tell her that we're coming to Garden House Hospice Care, her eyes light up. She loves it here.
If you were speaking to someone who was in a similar situation to you, what you would say to them?
I'd advise them to come here because it's such a lovely group and you'll get to talk to each other. If there was someone like me who wasn't getting out, I'd bring them along. That's how strongly I feel about it. I would always recommend it to anyone who's in the same situation as me. It's completely changed us.
